F**KING STUDENTS!

Alright, alright, don't get yer noggin' in a tizzy if you are a student, but once you leave whichever fine establishment of further education which you are at, belieive me, you will see where I am coming from. I was a student once, and jeez, someone shoulda slapped me if I was on par with the total idiocy we bore witness to at the weekend at the Bristol Uni Roc Soc BOTB event. I mean, I used to do all kinds of crazy shit as student, but I pray I wasn't as retarded as this. And if really was, apologies to those I f**ked with. Better late than never.

Ok, firstly, everything seemed slightly 'laid back' arrangement wise, but I put it down to 'f**king students' as come on, we all know that students do little else but drink and smoke, especially if they are to do with any kind of Rock Society.

SO anyway...I eventually find out that there is some kind of glitch with arrangement for the kit share, but am guaranteed that we will have the necessary equipment we need to perform. So off we set to Bristol...and just getting out of London I realise that I have indeed forgotten my snare drum, so rather than fucking about I get on the phone and find a drum shop on the way which does hire outs, stop by and hire a snare drum. Job done, Bob's your uncle. The way shit should be.

We get to Bristol bang on time. In fact we beat the PA there - which sucked as they were so late in setting up meaning we didn't even get a sound check - again, I dread to think what kind of dumb-ass organising lead to that...

Waiting out the back of the Bristol Uni SU, Conan the organiser bowls up, I extend my hand and say 'You must be Conan, nice to meet you, Paul,' to which he promptly replies,'Err, and you must be...oh I 've forgotten your name..'

YOU F**KING WOT??!!! is the look shot to me by Lee. I had just introduced myself and the guy was on cloud f**king nine and couldn't even remeber my name for all of like half a second...oh shit...we were destined for some fuckery...

Nevertheless, we walk in to a massive hall with a massive stage...things seemd to be looking alright...nice dressing room...

We go back to the car and realise some c**t has keyed the side - a big long scratch all the way down one side. Shit starts to sink from there on in.

Suddenly some crazy poisonous midget she-dwarf appears and starts rambling about some shit, clearly taking herself far far far too seriously. I clocked her guzzling a bottle of wine (as only you students can) later - no wonder she didn't know the difference between her arsehole and elbow. Once the soundman had finally cranked the PA for the first time (which to me was a sure sign of progress) she had the gall to shout at the top of her voice 'Can you turn that fuckin down cos I'm trying to talk'..COME ON...the guy was doing his job, and he was already half a day behind schedule for the event she was supposed to be organising. Turn it down. Well, she's gonna get nothing but turned down, believe me.

Then came the glory for the kit share - to which it transpired we didn't have what we needed even though I had specified what it would be. They said the main band had decided not to share anything 4 days ago...4 DAYS!!! But apparently 4 days isn't long enough to sort out hiring replacement equipment, nor is it adequate time to tell the bands what they will need - I did it in a matter of minutes for my snare drum...All I can say is...F**KING STUDENTS!

So, what did this experience teach me...that there ARE still a few fit female Uni rock fans out there...that there are still some really kind people who lend their equipment to people left in the lurch...that Uni beer is not that cheap...that Uni's teach you to be a retard in the real world...but most of all, that students couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery if they f**king tried. Students - enjoy that feeling of how the world is all yours while you can, cos believe me, before long you too WILL be uttering those very same words:

"F**KING STUDENTS"

UncleP